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Column: Touchy subjects and mood swings
by Lauretta Hannon
Columnist
April 25, 2013 03:50 PM | 3034 views | 0 0 comments | 30 30 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Lauretta Hannon
Lauretta Hannon
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Q: I’m recently engaged to the love of my life. And I don’t say that lightly. He’s kind, patient, trustworthy and an excellent provider, not to mention my best friend. The only problem is that, due to a medical condition, I’m not sure he’ll be able to have children. I want to be able to start a family, but I’m scared to ask him to get fertility testing because it’s a sensitive subject. Plus, if it turns out that he cannot have kids, I don’t know if I’ll actually want to be married to him — which makes me feel like a horrible person. How do I broach such a sensitive topic?

A: It’s unfortunate that you didn’t have this discussion before the engagement. Nonetheless, you have every right to request fertility testing. Both of you need to know if children are possible. We’re talking about the rest of your lives here. Initiate the dialogue as soon as you can. How to begin it? One word at a time. Good communication is essential to a solid marriage, so look at this as a trial run. Explain that this issue is critical to your future together. It will be awkward and wince-worthy at times, but it might turn out better than anticipated. There’s a lot to explore here, including your thoughts on adoption. But first ask yourself a gut question: If he is truly “the love of your life,” then why is this a deal-breaker? Does that mean you’d settle for second-best in order to bear a child?

Q: How does one maintain femininity and poise through hormonal changes caused by pregnancy or PMS?

A: One word: self-control. During hormonally induced foul moods, remember that your emotional perspective is out of whack. You are freaking out over insignificant things that seem huge. As a reminder, write this statement on a sticky note and put it on your mirror: Objects in mirror are not nearly as large as they appear. Perhaps the best practice is to go to a quiet place for a few minutes until you regain your composure — and perspective.

Q: I have a friend who keeps trying to arrange a get-together for me with a former friend that I haven’t heard from since moving to another city 10 years ago. I reached out to him several times after I moved but never got a response. While I don’t have any hard feelings toward him, I do not feel any need to have him in my life just because he relocated to the city where I live, and it’s now convenient for him to resume the friendship. I also feel that I’ve grown a lot since I knew him. He, however, has continued to make poor choices. I’ve told my friend several times that I don’t want to reconnect. I don’t want to hurt the relationship with my friend but also don’t want her to keep trying to get us together. How do I get her to move on from the idea that I’ll come around and want to spend time with him?

A: Be candid and plain with her. Perhaps you’ve been a little vague, and it has confused her or left the door open in her mind. Tell her you value the friendship and wish to see her and her only. Make a date, and be clear that he is not invited. If she’s a quality friend, she’ll understand and back off. It sounds like she’s been a bit pushy anyway. The bottom line is that life is too short to spend in uninspired company.

Send your questions to notyourgrannysadvice@gmail.com.

Lauretta Hannon, a resident of Powder Springs, is the bestselling author of “The Cracker Queen — A Memoir of a Jagged, Joyful Life” and a keynote speaker. Southern Living has named her “the funniest woman in Georgia.” See more at www.thecrackerqueen.com.
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