No variable specified
Column: Waiting for atheists to create a sunset or a duck-billed platypus
by Dick Yarbrough
Columnist
May 31, 2013 10:02 AM | 8835 views | 14 14 comments | 178 178 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Dick Yarbrough
Dick Yarbrough
slideshow
Dear God:

I apologize for contacting you in such a public manner, but there is an issue here in Georgia I need to discuss with You pronto.

I thought about bringing it up in my prayers but, frankly, I have so many sins teed up to apologize for that my knees would likely give out before I ever got to this matter.

I don’t claim to be a theologian, but I know in my heart that You like Georgia better than any place on this planet and I thank you for that. (There is some question about Malfunction Junction, aka the city of Atlanta, where the sewers don’t work and neither do a number of its residents. I’m not sure how Atlanta ended up in Georgia but if You created the duck-billed platypus, I assume there is also some reason for Atlanta.)

Here is what I wish to discuss: Recently, a fellow by the name of Ed Buckner discovered Gideon Bibles in a cabin he had rented at Amicalola Falls State Park in north Georgia. He promptly complained to park employees who removed the Good Book, lest they offend him. I assume the employees thought You would be OK with that.  

Attorney General Sam Olens said Bibles are permissible in the park because taxpayers hadn’t paid for the books; the folks at Gideon had. Gov. Nathan Deal (as You know, he is our earthly governor) said put the Bibles back in the cabins and lodges in our state parks. This has gotten atheists in a stew. They want to place their books about all the benefits of being an atheist in the same cabins and lodges. (I’m guessing it is going to be a short book.)

Deal said whatever floats your boat. He has more important matters to attend to, like trying to prevent Republicans from killing each other. I don’t know how much You keep up with politics on Earth, but Republicans can be weirder than a duck-billed platypus. They have yet to figure out Democrats are their problem, not each other.

I know You know everything and therefore telling You, I am acquainted with Ed Buckner and that he is not a bad guy will come as no surprise to You. In fact, I have found Ed easier to deal with than a lot of Bible-thumping, scripture-quoting, humorless ideologues who think we are all going to hell in a wheelbarrow if a (shudder!) woman steps in the pulpit.

The guy I feel sorry for is David Silverman, president of American Atheists and who seems particularly fired up about Bibles in our state parks. Not only does he have a big shock coming when he meets You face to face, he has to spend his living days on Earth in Cranford, N.J. The guy just can’t catch a break.

Anyway, I just wanted You to know that when atheists have finished putting their books in our park facilities, I expect to see them create a sunset over the marshes of Glynn. Or conjure up a waterfall to match the spectacular sight of Amicalola Falls. If that is asking a bit much, maybe they can provide a new model of the sea turtle You created, oh, maybe a hundred million years ago. Or, an ordinary painted bunting. Surely, they can do that. It’s not like I’m asking them to replicate the stars or grow an oak tree or create human life or even to take a shot at a duck-billed platypus.

You see where I’m going with this. Sometimes, we get so caught up in proving who’s right and who’s wrong in how we worship You or even whether or not we should worship You at all, that we miss the obvious signs You have put right under our noses. This is Your universe. You are not dead but sooner or later the rest of us will be, and then we will understand what You have been trying to tell us all along. You are omnipotent. We are not.

As for me, I don’t mind the atheists putting their material in our parks.

Just to show them my heart is in the right place, I plan to devote a beautiful Georgia morning reading what they have to say about why You don’t exist as I watch the sunrise over the Blue Ridge Mountains.

Then I will laugh my head off at the irony. God, I love You and Your sense of humor.

You can reach Dick Yarbrough at yarb2400@bellsouth.net or P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Ga. 31139.
Comments
(14)
Comments-icon Post a Comment
Mark Nerock
|
July 11, 2014
Typical... "the sunsets and the waterfalls and the flowers = GOD"

Well then what about worms in dead baby corpses? Satan?

The Boss
|
June 11, 2013
Oh man I love these sorts of logic filled arguments.

"Duck-billed platypus, therefore GOD!"

How is it that so many gullible people out there are still riding the crazy train and letting centuries old superstitions rule their lives? The bible is the thousands of years old version of "I read it on the internet IT MUST BE TRUE!!!!"

"Banana, therefore, GOD!"

"Sunset, therefore, GOD!"

I know you cannot fathom how stupid that sounds. But it's real real dumb.

Real dumb.
Gabriel (yes it's me
|
June 10, 2013
Ever think Mary was raped?? Sounds like it to me. I got some pyrotechnics, and another buddy who says he's god. Wonder how the local law enforcement would react to that event today??

2.) Joshua's life experiences are very limited in their explanations. You'd think being the messiah, that kind of stuff would be important.

3.) Why is Asa's name, and words (in abundance) far exceed the amount in his own book?

Sincerely,

one of many angels on the sidelines. Father gave you free will, and this is what you choose?
Jefland
|
June 07, 2013
Old people....You can't live with them and you can't wait for them to die
Jeesus
|
June 06, 2013
Butts, lol. Good column. Really insightful.
James Cooke
|
June 06, 2013
Living in Cranston seems alot better than living in Georgia where you have to put up with idiots like this who believe there's a guy in the sky who made everything.
Donnerskind
|
June 06, 2013
I don't know why this guy expects atheists to create a seperate sunset, I mean, after all no one created all the other ones either, they just kinda happened.
A nonbeliever
|
June 05, 2013
Your article is a joke. You would be throwing a fit if a Muslim came to the park services and said they wanted to pay for the Quran to be placed in all the rooms. Not everyone in this world believes in the same thing you believe. You shouldnt ridicule someone for their beliefs, instead you should hold a conversation about the rationale for having just one form of religious doctrine in the rooms, and nothing else. What about the Buddhist holy book? Would that be ok?Or what if I wanted to pay for every single room to have an atheist book in each room?
ComradeAnon
|
June 03, 2013
Dick-will have to get back to you. Too busy holding the hands of soldiers killed in my name.

God
sukie
|
June 02, 2013
I do not believe that any religious or non-religious books or pamphlets should be in any state park.

But now, the proverbial Pandora's box is open and all groups will be allowed to out their material in the night table drawer. As it should be.

Where am I going to put my belongings when this drawer is crammed with reading material? I prefer the internet and my kindle, so the drawer will stay closed when I spend a night.

And more and more people will just be using all this material to start their fire at the campgrounds. I have heard of more and more people doing this.
Mark Moore
|
June 01, 2013
The atheists have been waiting thousands of years for you to produce a god.

Still waiting.
Rusty Bertrand
|
June 01, 2013
But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. Matthew 6;6
Brudder
|
May 31, 2013
Does mocking other people while you say you love them make you a good Christian?
Cleon42
|
May 31, 2013
I'm pretty sure that creating things out of the blue is more the purview of Christianity than atheism.
*We welcome your comments on the stories and issues of the day and seek to provide a forum for the community to voice opinions. All comments are subject to moderator approval before being made visible on the website but are not edited. The use of profanity, obscene and vulgar language, hate speech, and racial slurs is strictly prohibited. Advertisements, promotions, spam, and links to outside websites will also be rejected. Please read our terms of service for full guides